New Motive

So I'm back at square one
Fought a good battle but he won
So fuck it now-
I'm gunna smoke blunts and stack paper
Save that cuffin shit for ---> Later.

I'm not gunna point fingers at who to blame 
Just take this ' L ' and deal wit the shame
Can't take the shame cuz I got so much fame they prolly look at this nigga like He the Lame!



     So back to the drugs . . .
Extra heavy this time
The spliffs , 
ex, 
salvi,
shrooms 
oh MY!
Everything to numb what pain i once felt , once dealt 
But no longer feel. 
Slowly, its becoming easier- this way to heal.

Not that ill stop loving 
but I'm gunna be extra prepared next time around 
            .... for all possible outcomes.
And when it gets too tuff ,




 find sum bud, takeoff &


 run. 
1/20/11

I'm a listener…



not that yoga , " listen to the ocean " type  listener
-but I listen to peoples stories. I take pride and respect
 in the tales other can’t seem to forget.
I take metal notes of their facial expressions. The raise of their brows,
the lick of their lips the way their eyes dagger,
how their voice dips..


I listen to everyone.
 Never choosing one story before another. Every tale is an opportunity to fill my head with a cup of knowledge.          Educated myself about something I didn’t know before. Thus, this is a gift to me so I agree and disagree when needed ,  to ensure my attention is present.

I think a lot of people could learn if they actually sat down and heard


The adventures others can donate. .


I listen
 and I observe. Nothing is more gratifying than to hear a tale from word of mouth ;  .. As the slaves once did making their journey from the south.


It’s amazing what values could be taught if people open up and listen to what their ears caught!
...Listen to the emotions, the way their voice cracks as they reopen a painful scar.


I find true happiness in listening to others, don’t care what it is. From a bum to a businessman .. no story is greater than
another mans.
so i listen to them all'
we've all dealt with shit , and its my ears that come to witness
this
prodigy of story telling 
 truly a blessing.

To me, it’s a privilege, yet another chance to learn something new. Take an opportunity to put myself amongst whats becoming so few.

reTro (freewrite)

The say I'm crazy: guess the shit I do ..

The bud or drinks that put me in that mood . . .

the chemical romance that took my higher than the sky

Loose fit jeans

beaded pearl necklace

Leggings with almost every color of the rainbow

-The rainbow

The colors that kinda don't match

But they sorta do.

Like I sorta match but I don't.

Boyfriend jeans loose.

No need to show my best Asset. Look couple feet higher . Then turn me around. Ull see my fedora. That I haven't worn out seriously

but today ima show how unserious I am .

And that I'm slightly blazed cuz I took a few pulls of some exotics before I left the house ; just to make sure my sanity doesn't leave this house....

And the words juss flow.

And these gray riding boots that protect my feet not only from the cold

but the broken, shattered pieces of my past. Dig it? i can protect my feet like i protect my heart

im too much about good times to stress anyone from the start. 

Ahhh mann,

life is great when u take some time to embrace it, discover its beauty and true innocence. Just Rock the FCUK out sumtimes and embrace the stares. Don't be afraid!!

A stare is merely a follower, believes in the cause , an admirer-

that obviously sees u in some fashionista uppers rank of royalty.

The shades. Just so the sun won't damage what I look at when I also admirer because truth be told, I am too an admirer.

Truth also be told I wannnna smoke tho...

That's besides the point. I'm at school now, so we must cease this put out

of my symbolic expression of MY style. Tuh Later.

MiseryBusiness

Morning Thoughts

Tic

The clock dial moves up a notch.

Toc Current time 5am on the dot. And since 3:02am the time my eyes opened, you've been my ONLY thought.

And even before I woke up, in my dreams u were sought. And before I took that nap I fell asleep with a text message in progress.

 

Constantly

I said, Constantly do you invade my thoughts. You play Cops and Robbers with my mind. Stealing my attention, holding my fantasies hostage, not letting me forget; as if to say I'm not dun with you yet.

I want to enjoy you. My artist

I dream about you. I dream about what we would do,
how we would react when our bodies interact
and spirits intertwine.
It'd be simply divine.

       I'm madly falling for this artist.

This complete opposite depiction of me. From the symbolic tattoos to the piercings.

This unique streak of individuality.

In every physical feature we "differ and therefore lack" But I smile nonetheless-

I was told opposites attract.

They'll be something almost heavenly when your lips finally touch mine, your hands reach my thighs tilt of forehead deep gaze into eyes

Breath heavy, Sweat forming, Body lusting
Minds touching...
Minds are lusting
Body's
are 
t o u c h i n g...


It'll be the closet thing to God.



5:15am now, but in my wildest dreams, there is no need for time. The galaxy will guide us
The moon and the Sun have their gravitational pull against our hearts, they'll HAVE to confide in us. Share secrets of how nature's take time to develop beauty in our soul.
 Its present in every Man yet many fail connect hence they grow so cold. Time becomes irrelevant when we discover Lifes Endless Roads. Life is the best lived when your can infinetly grow.

My muse.
More than a physical attraction, you excite me mentally. Panties wet at your lyrical complex. The growth in me enjoys the true artist in you.

 Your mere presence is stimulation in itslef


Just the mere thought, vast possibilities of what you could do with your voice so smooth ..

with that whisper in my e a r

exposing my fear
made is so clear
with the gentle brush back of my hair
with the .. soft kiss.
Saliva Shared.

 

• Heart beat. Increased.

Gentle kiss bellow belly button
Your kiss reacts to my body, a slight shiver.
bottom lip slight quiver. Torso welcoming this, hips sway
almost simutaneuosly keeping up with this dance
as African Tribals moving at free glance
EVERY unsettlement  suddenly dismissed.

• Hormones released.

Speak to me in that same rhythmic flow that allowed my womanhood to open up & just flow. Its without my approval nor permission, this conversation is strictly between your mouth and my body...

Im in complete Submission.

• Panties secreted.

Using that same mouth that utters such beautiful poetry - Now being used to play along my body, projecting OUTwards my true inner beauty.

Its amazing how my morning thoughts have changed.

Hint Of Inspiration

My expression don't flow as they once did.
 My pen doesn't mark my history. It doesn't write my biography.
 It doesn't tell my story on paper as our Leaders or my Pastor,
 even Self Proclaimed Rappers -
 and those people who have influenced me once did.
You see, I've often said that I need a muse to infuse me.
 Someone to allow me to express MY views or my perception on how I see things. Someone willin to LISTEN rather than DISHIN'
the Dirt & the Drama.
No, these days life has been bland; Rather boring and its accuring to me more and more that Writing has become my last priority instead of second nature.


And I wish with all my heart I cud savor the elementary days when I cud write without a muse. But these days I'm less enthused ..and well, without a person or thing or reason to be inspired, its impossible for my heart to sing.
 my mind to imagine , my thoughts to become writings...........

However clearing some much needed dead weight opened up and allowed space            for this artist to fill my gaps.
 Best described: Mentally Orgasmic. Her words in the most simplistic of terms struck thru me like lightening in a terrible storm. Her words were strong. They were soft but powerful,
she declared what was destined.
 Positive yet memorizing. She was the inspiration that for years i searched for, my soul yearned for. The change that could only better, and the positive reinforcement I so desperately needed.
 So in the months I have neglected my writings and felt
no need to share, I've found it was simply because who I had around me didnt much care to hear. They Seeminglessly heard and answered the voice on the outside.
She, this artist,
   my muse,
      hears the music my soul sung inside...

7.29.10

3 months later and its amazing how my feelings have change , matured as season do a gradual range - transition from Fall to Winter


Spring to Summer and its a crazy that ur still around even after our downs
And the times I've fucked up . .

I guess I really lucked up; and I held tight on the days my phone longed for ur call and my ears missed ur voice; I had no choice I new it'd get better

Cuz we're for better or for worse

Man sometimes this love feels like a curse. There's days I wish I never cried those tears for u

And days I wish life cud just unDo ;

Then there's times when nothing else matters in life because I have u;

I don't know wat were destined for

Wat plans God has in store

But I hope and pray to be blessed with many many more

Nights held to tight by you , :)

6.30.10

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